O Holy Night
by Zierra
Summary: It's Christmas at Balamb Garden, and even Squall is caught up in the spirit of the season. But a forgotten memory is triggered with a song, and Squall understands himself a little better. Shounen ai, S&Z Oneshot.


_**Oh Holy Night**_

_By Zierra_

_Disclaimer: What to do you think?………._

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The Quad was richly decorated with candles, spruce twigs and sparkling tinsel and f the normally so formal aura that haunted the hall there was no sign. When one walked through the door all thoughts of everyday issues vanished, like it could ever compete with the scent of orange and clove.

It had been a while since Squall had celebrated Christmas, just like he never celebrated his birthday (although everyone else did, in both cases), but he was struck by the magical atmosphere that hung in the room. And there was this scent… A husky but yet soothing scent, that made it tingle in his stomach, something oddly familiar.

He hadn't planned on attending this year either, but Rinoa had begged him, forced him to come hear her sing. It had been with reluctance that he had agreed and while standing outside he had thought about just turning around and say to Rinoa that he'd listen to her, but then left.

But now he was there and for once completely caught in the moment.

"It's nice, isn't it?"

Zell walked up to him, the moving light of the candles making his features dance.

"It's amazing." He had barley whispered it out, but Zell smiled slightly at him.  
"It sure puts you in the Christmas spirit, doesn't it?", he said giving Squall a somewhat mischievous grin. "Selphie really outdid herself for this one."

Suddenly the lights dimmed even more and left the multitude of candles to light the room.

Selphie entered the stage, for the occasion wearing a red dress and her brown hair pushed back with angel shaped hairclips.

"Welcome to our annual Christmas celebration here at Balamb Garden. This year, to really make us all jolly, Rinoa Heartilly has agreed to sing a carol for us. Please welcome, Rinoa!"

When she walked out on stage, Squall was surprised that she didn't fall on that long, red satin dress with a deep cleavage, accessorised with a broad gold necklace that looked uncomfortably heavy.

She was greeted with applauses and she let her gaze sweep across the room until she spotted him and smiled widely. He nodded his acknowledgement as Zell waved frantically next to him.

A chill ran down Squalls' spine as the music started and his head spun. That song…

"What's that song?" he whispered to Zell, grabbing a hold of his elbow.

"O Holy Night", was the answer. "It's my favorite."

When Rinoa started to sing, Squall couldn't hold back either the shiver nor the goosebumps all over his body. One could say many bad things about Rinoa, but to her credit, the girl could definitely sing.

"_O holy night, the stars are brightly shining._

_It is the night of our dear saviours birth._

_Long live the world…." _

Standing in the middle of the main hall, surrounded by SeeD's, cadets and instructors at Balamb Garden, Squall was lost in emotion.

Somewhere deep inside his heart, he could feel something break and with it's destruction something completely different took it's place.

With every word in the song, his eyes watered up, and when Rinoa hit one of the high notes and held it with a vibrato, it caused a tear to fall down Squalls cheek. It just became too much all at once. Quickly turning, Squall ran out on the balcony, the cold air of the night making the wetness on his cheek more noticeable.

What was going on with him? Why was he reacting like this to a song he'd never even heard? But if he hadn't, how come he could recognize certain parts, certain words?

He leant against the rail, taking a deep but trembling breath.

"Squall?"

Tensing, Squall almost stopped breathing. Showing Zell the state of vulnerability he was in was out of the question but he had nowhere to go. Zell didn't come closer, but he stayed by the door, though he closed it behind him. In the corner of his eye, Squall could see him turning his head to look at him for a few seconds, then looking away.

A part of Squall, the part that had just recently been released, truthfully enjoyed the company. There was too much to deal with for him to want to be alone. And it was nice to know that someone actually knew him well enough to notice, and know when to leave and when not to.

"You want a drink?"

The question in itself was laughable, and Squall couldn't hold back the rush of air down his lungs causing him to laugh. Zell's was now facing Squall who quickly turned his head to the wind to tell if there was anymore visible tears in his face. When there was no wet coldness, he looked over his shoulder at Zell.

"No thanks. I don't think a drink would help."

Nodding, Zell leant back against the door, head cocked slightly so he could hear the music inside better.

"Man, who knew Rinoa could sing like that!" he exclaimed with admiration. "She had me crawling out of my skin."

They both stood silent for a while, listing to Rinoa who was on the last chorus now. The dreamy look on Zell's face when he closed his eyes and swayed to the music made Squall remember his questions before, and wondered if maybe Zell could have the answers.

" Why do you love this song so much?"

The swaying stopped, but with his eyes remaining closed as Zell got that absent look of someone who tries to remember.

"I've always loved it. I guess it's because matron used to sing it to me when she told the story about baby Jesus and the wise men. I guess it's because I associate it with love."  
"Love?" the word ringing odd with his own voice.

"Not the lyrics only… I…. I have memories of love to it."

"Memories…"

Something flashed in the outside of Squalls mind and Rinoa made the encore.

Zell and Squall just stood looking at each other while listening to the last incredible part of the song. When it was over they were left with the feeling of affinity. They had found something they had in common and they had shared a moment that Squall cherished, and to him, that made Zell special.

He realised that his old view of Zell had changed over the years. He no longer felt that annoyance when Zell appeared because he had stopped chattering away. Gone was the resent of his exuberant nature (maybe because he was quiet and still for once). Even his appearance seemed different. His hair wasn't styled, but just combed back, displaying his face in an entirely different way, making the tattoo look intriguing instead of exaggerated. And his unbelievably blue eyes contained far more wisdom than Squall had ever bothered to look for.

"What's the matter?"

The concern in his voice and eyes was overwhelming to Squall, the mere fact that someone actually cared enough to stick by his side when he'd done nothing to encourage them, and had seen the side of Squall that he himself had just discovered.

He swallowed down an embarrassing sob.

With worry written all over his face, Zell dared to come closer, a warm thumb smearing some offending salty tears away. Leaning into his hand, Squall felt oddly safe. Zell would never harm him, never hurt him, never leave him. There was trust there in those eye, unbreakable trust.

Rinoa came out on the balcony smiling widely. Zell returned his hand as soon as he had heard the door open, but Squall wasn't quite as fast, his eyes was still closed and head hanging low. When he heard Rinoa speak he lazily lifted his head, to look at her.

"I brought a mistletoe", she giggled, waving it over her head.

Even though it was meant to be hidden, Squall heard a sigh from Zell and caught a glimpse of a rather disappointed look on his face. Though Zell never broke eye contact, Squall was sure that he caught Zell by surprise when he bent down slightly, taking Zell's lower lip between his own, letting the sensation sink in before doing it again.

While straightening he looked down at Zell, seeing a small smile curve his lips. Squall smiled back.

Rinoa just stared at them dumbfounded, that not being what she'd hoped to achieve.

"Great singing, Rin", Zell said while opening the door, then he turned and winked at Squall who nodded.

When the door closed behind Zell, Squall turned to Rinoa.

"I agree, it was great."  
"Uh…T-thank you", she stammered, not really daring to look him in the eyes. He didn't frown on her awkwardness at seeing them kiss, knowing it was for a different reason. Selphie had dropped enough hints for him to realize that Rinoa had harboured a crush on him for quite a while.

One he had never had any intention of reciprocating.

"Merry Christmas, Rinoa." he blurted instead, not coming up with something more intelligent so say.

A deep breath and a nod later, she responded and smiled crookedly.

"Merry Christmas, Squall."

**_THE END_**

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It's really bad (the self-critic I am) but I had to write it, it was messing up my head. I'm not sure why I'm posting it, considering the condition it's in, but I just feel like it. It's the seasonal spirit and all that.

One things that you can count on though, is the multitude of stories such as this that I'll produce in the following weeks. If any of them will appear here, is yet to be noticed, but if they are, I hope you will review, as you have done here hints.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, ALL FF8 MANIACS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love, Zierra


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